Never Meant To Hurt You
by The-Legend-Begins
Summary: It's not wrong for Lily to get together with James. Why is it wrong when she gets with the James' friend?And if she did,what would be the impact of those nights?One life would change forever...rnFull summary inside... FF.net only gives you so much room.RL
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: All characters are property of Joanne Rowling. The plot is mine.

A/N: Please tell me what you think of this chapter so I know if I should change, fix it or if there is anything you think should happen. I need to know! Please Review…

Never Meant To Hurt You….

Prologue

Sixteen years before…

"Lily, what's wrong?" A very young Remus asked. Remus was tall with dirty blond hair and almond-colored eyes. He was rocking Lily back as he was holding her, while she cried.

"James, I hate him," Lily replied burying her head father into Remus' chest. Lily sniffled every three seconds or so.

"Why? What did James do?" Remus said, still holding her, and now stroking her beautiful, wavy red hair.

"He is just a jerk, Remus, he is so nasty. And I know he likes me, but he doesn't treat me like a woman, or treat any woman like that. He treats me like I'm a snack he can have whenever he wants. And when he does something wrong, he doesn't say he is sorry or even try to make me feel better…" Lily said between sniffles, "I hate him so much, and I love him equally," Lily to Remus.

"Hate, Lily, is a strong word, especially for you," Remus told her, "James needs to grow up, but I a sure you, he is crazy about you. All Peter, Sirius, and I hear about is you, not that we don't like you, but he talks about you all the time," Remus told her. Lily looked up at him.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really. James talks about your beautiful red hair and your bright green eyes. He talks about how beautiful you look in your Hogwarts' robes. He talks about how every time there is a school dance he wishes you'd since with him, but your always dancing with someone else and he would punch them, but you would hate him more. He talks about your smile and how he loves it. He talks about how he wishes you were only his and you two were deeply in love. He talks about how he wishes to become a better man, so that one day you might love him. He talks about how he wishes you two would love each other, have a family and grow old. He talks about his love for you, that will never fade…" Remus starred straight into Lily's beautiful green eyes as he said this.

"You're not lying to me right, Remus?" Lily asked. Her big green eyes looking at him with hope.

"No Lily, I'm not," Remus said quickly. Lily gave him a tight hug and the kissed him on the cheek and walked out of the common room, actually she skipped. Remus caught her smile she had before she left, and this made him glad he lied. Lied? Yep, he lied, but to make Lily feel better. Sure James talks about her al the time, but he is the one that talks about Lily's beautiful red hair and Lily's bright green eyes. He talks about how beautiful she looks in your Hogwarts' robes. He talks about how every time there is a school dance he wishes she'd dance with him, but she is always dancing with someone else and he would punch them, but she would hate him. He talks about her smile and how he loves it. He talks about how he wishes she were only his and the two were deeply in love. He talks about how he wishes to become a better man, so that one day she might love him, too. He talks about how he wishes that him and her would love each other, have a family and grow old. He talks about his love for her, which will never fade…

Remus thinks about Lily and him. He thinks of what it would be like. He thinks of what it could be like. He thinks of how it should be like… And you know what?

That way is perfect…

Quickly, Remus got his quill and his journal and wrote about the events. He always wrote about his feeling in his journal. He did so, so he would never for get important thing, like things that were stupid and taught him a lesson, which someday would come in hand; like, "Love is a strange thing, when you're scarred of it." His mother told him that when Remus first owled her and told her he was in love, but Lily didn't feel the same…

September 8, 1970

Some people think love happens like that, some believe it is some think that takes time. Some people think there is no such thing as love; some people think there is. Some people think you should follow your heart, some people think you should follow you mind.

I wonder, if you love someone you should tell them even if it means losing a dear friend, who really doesn't deserve the special person you love. I wonder if you can even tell whether it's true love or not. I wonder if it matters…

I've been in love with Lillian Evans since I first met her on the Hogwarts Express seven years ago. I remember it so clearly; she was in the compartment next to her's and she started throwing up a cauldron cake, when I handed her my napkin. She thanked me, blushing, and we introduced ourselves. I was her first friend until she turned thirteen and hung out with girls. I was always a friend of James, Sirius and Peter even when I was friends with Lily. She always read, just like me and often got annoyed by James and Sirius picking on Snape, as much as I hated him…

She never liked me more than a friend and sometimes I wonder if she ever will. Sometimes I am jealous over James because she likes him, but he is my friend and I should be happy from him, even when I believe he doesn't deserve Lily…

I won't tell Lily I love her; I would never break my friendship with James. I guess I'll have to do what I have done all these years… See her get hurt, and comfort her when she cries…See as her beautiful heart is kept by everyone, but me…

I just want her heart for Christmas… There is nothing I can give her… She already stole my heart…

-Remus

A/N2: Review!!!!


	2. Chapter Two

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and places created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N: This story will start out with the marauders and Lily. Just so you guys don't get confused…

These are short chapters, I will tell you that now; only about one thousand words per chapter. I will try and make them longer. Please Review and tell me what you think!

Never Meant To Hurt You

Chapter Two

"Well, well Remus, come to see the show?" A very young Sirius Black asked his friends, who had just entered the hall. Sirius Black was short, but muscular. His black hair was cut so that it reached his shoulders and his dark eyes gave him an intimidating look.

Remus moved closer to Sirius and saw what he meant by show; Severus Snape lying on the ground dressed like a girl. Remus didn't laugh. "If you guys get caught by his head of house," Remus started, but his voice was stopped by James' voice. "Come on moony, it's only having a bit of fun. You can have your chance too, if you want," James said.

"James, you know Lily wouldn't like this. She would be frustrated with you," Remus told James, but James put his hand up, "Lily isn't here now is she?"

The thing went on for about tem minutes more before the Slytherin's head of house caught them.

"My god James, you want Lily to like you, but you still do the same things she asked you not to do. She deserves better." Remus said walking beside James and Sirius.

"Come on, Remus! Look, I like doing that, ok?" James said facing Remus.

"Ok, sure, but I thought you liked Lily better," Remus said starring his dark eyes in to James' even darker eyes.

"I do, but-" James started.

"Then treat her like you do! When she asks you to stop, stop, ok?" Remus said.

"This is coming from a guy who has never dated, right?" James said, trying to make Remus feel small, but it didn't work. Remus only felt small when Lily called him a friend. Lily didn't mean to hurt Remus, she never meant to hurt anyone, but she did.

"No, this is coming from a guy who knows how women are supposed to be treated!" Remus yelled and walked off toward the library.

James was left standing there, shocked. He ran after Remus. "What women?" James asked.

"Lily!" Remus yelled.

"What?" James asked, confused.

"That's right, James. Whether you want to believe it or not Lily is a woman and she deserves to be treated better than the way you have been treating her," Remus yelled one last time and stepped into the library as James walked off to play quidditch.

How would James know how Lily needed to be treated? He barely knew what Lily liked, only how she looked. Remus was right. James needed to get his act together otherwise he would never have a chance with Lily. No. He won't deserve a chance.

Lily Evans is precious and she doesn't deserve to be hurt. She doesn't deserve to have James treat her the way he has been. She deserves the best of everything, the best of everyone.

And the best was Remus, if only she could she it…

Remus walked to the table near the charms section. He loved charms and although he wasn't best at it he could it and read about the different kinds of charms all day. He spent most of that day in the library, doing work that wasn't due until after the holiday vacation, studying for test, checking homework and reading. It wasn't until a familiar red head sat down that he stopped. He looked up at her. "Hi," Hi was the only word he could get out before his cheeks glowed up.

Lily smiled. She loved the way Remus got when someone talked to him. He was so cute. She never knew why it was he got that way. He didn't when he was talking to the marauders, but always when Lily was around. "Hi," She replied opening her book.

Remus noticed she was doing potions work and he had finished it a while ago. "Um, Lily, if you need help, I can help you. I mean-" Remus trailed off getting redder than Lily's hair.

Lily looked up at him and said, "Thanks, I'm usually good at this stuff, but lately I have been falling behind. I don't think I understand this new section," Lily looked down. She didn't like to ask for help, even though she really wasn't asking, but still. She was supposed to be smart, and although she loved when Remus helped her, it made her feel stupid.

Remus explained all of it to Lily and helped her study for the test coming up. When he was finished he saw Lily's hurt expression so he said, "It's very hard, you know, most wizards don't take potions unless they have to for a good job. Don't feel bad, Lily. If you do bad on the test tomorrow then I'll work with you, but I doubt you will. You seem to have it!" Remus said enthusiastically so that Lily would feel better. Lily smiled and Remus took this as a good sign. He loved making her smile. She had the most beautiful smile in the world and it was a shame when she wasn't wearing it. "You should go to the quidditch pitch. James has been down there for a while, but practice doesn't start for five minutes," Remus said as he got up. He kissed the top of her head while she was sitting.

Then he picked up their bags of books, put them on his shoulder and extended a hand for Lily to take. Lily giggled. Remus had always been a gentleman even when he didn't have to be. She took it and Remus lead her out side.

A/N2: Please Review!!! I will update ASAP.


	3. Chapter Three

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and places created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

AN: I try to update on this story once a day, but on weekdays it is hard… Please Review and tell me what you think!

Never Meant To Hurt You

Chapter Three

September 23, 1978

_I wonder about desire… about Lily… I feel like I need her non-stop, but when I'm with her I feel complete. I wonder if Lily ever feels the same, but I don't think about it too often because I know the answer; no because Lily doesn't love me the way I love her and she never will. She did a great job on that test in potions, thanks to me. I thought that when she told me she would thank me and even kiss me. I was wrong and I only made myself hurt more by believing there was a chance. I wish I could become someone I'm not, wish I could be in James' position… He really has no idea how lucky he is and even though I want Lily to be happy, I don't want James to understand because if he did then the chances of Lily and me ever happening is… I don't want to even think about it… I just wish I could think about other girls, I mean Lily isn't the only one… But she is… She is the only one for me… and she will always be the only one…_

_-Remus_

Remus closed his book as fast as he could. He hated seeing what he wrote because nothing good came from it. Remus put his journal in the bottom drawer in his desk. That drawer was good to hide things because it consisted of a hidden place underneath it. Remus starred at the drawer once he shut it, just thinking like he always did. He starred at it for a few minutes until someone knocked on his door.

Remus got up from his chair and opened the door. He found nothing, but realized who it must have been after some of his things started flying in the air with no hands to hold them. Remus shut the door and went over to the flying things, put them down and pulled off an invisibility cloak.

There they were, the rest of the gang. They laughed for a while until Remus asked what they were doing here. Sirius shrugged, "Waiting for you so we can go to Hogsmeade,"

"You and James aren't aloud to go to Hogsmeade after the dung bomb situation in Filch's office," Remus said, taking a seat next to peter on his bed.

Sirius and James laughed. "No one has to know, now do they?" James smiled evilly, "Besides we need more supplies, were running out,"

"You know I am not aloud to let you two go. I am a prefect-" Remus started, but then James jump up and said, "And I'm Head Boy! Come on, Remus, if I give you permission to not rat us out, will you come with us?" James gave Remus his award-winning smile and this caused everyone to laugh.

Remus nodded, "I guess I could maybe not act as a prefect for one day," Remus smiled. "But I have to get the map before we can go,"

Remus ran to his bed, lifted up a mattress and reached for the map. "Here it is," He said while placing his mattress down to where it was before.

"Jolly! Let's go," Sirius said, "Maybe we can pick up some fire whiskey, what do you guys think?"

They all went under the invisibility cloak James was holding and went down the stairs of the Gryffindor Common Room to the 'behind the mirror' passage..

"So, Lily, if James asked you what would you say?" Violet Brown asked.

"I still don't know. He is cute and charming and bad, but he needs to be a man," Lily replied. Lily looked at Violet. To Lily Violet had always reminded her of a swan. She had pale skin, drilling blue eyes and the rest of her appearance was history. Violet had been Lily's second friend. The met at the Gryffindor table when they were first sorted and every thing went from there.

Violet wasn't as smart as Lily, or as sweet, but she was a good friend when you needed one. She was into judging guys and rumors more than anything else.

Lily was drinking her butter beer when Violet said, "Lily he is the cutest guy in the house! People would never stop talking about it! You would be like on of his 'girls'!" Violet was practically jumping out of her seat as she said this.

"That's just it Violet, I don't want to be one of his 'girls'. I want to be 'the girl'. The only girl," Lily said.

"Lily, you know there isn't the perfect guy-" Violet started.

"I know, but-"

"Then why do you want James to be something that isn't possible? Why do you want him to change?" Violet asked.

"Because if he can't change for me, I'm not that important to him," Lily said, with tears in her eyes.

Violet saw the tears and put her hand on Lily's. "I'm sorry, Lily, I was just"

"No you're right; I shouldn't want James to be something he's not," Lily told Violet.

"Maybe we should talk about something else," Violet said.

"Ow! Peter that was my foot!" Sirius whispered.

"s-sorry," Peter assured him.

"Guys, keep it down," James said. "Were almost in Honeyduke's cellar,"

"Next time I think we should take a passageway that is less cramped," Sirius suggested.

"Next time! What do you mean next time?" Remus exclaimed.

"Shh!" James, Sirius and Peter whispered back.

"We are in Honeyduke's right now, but keep the cloak on until we get to the three broom sticks. Last thing we need it 'the slimy git' ratting us out," James said, "Are you looking at the map, Mooney?"

"Yes, there isn't anyone down here, but the map doesn't go far enough to see into the village or upstairs," Remus told James.

"That's fine we'll just go upstairs rather quietly," Sirius told them.

As they were walking toward the stairs there was a loud bang and they looked back, "Peter stop playing around and get under the cloak!" Remus exclaimed.

Peter ran under the cloak and said, "Sorry, curiosity gets the best of me,"

The four of them walked up the stairs and walked out of the shop towards The Three Broomsticks.

"Lets get something to eat and then we will do some shopping," Sirius told them.

"Actually, Padfoot, I'll meet you guys in a bit, I'm going explore the fascinating new books that the book shop ordered," Remus said, "I'll meet you guys here around, say, seven," Remus turned his back and walked in the opposite direction.

"We haven't even had fire whiskey and he is already talking crazy… 'book shop'?" Sirius said as the three of them got a table.

When they sat down Sirius poked James, "Are you going to asks her?" Sirius nodded to a red head about three tables away.

Remus wasn't really going to the bookstore; he was going to get Lily a present. Her birthday was in a week and he needed to find her something.

AN2:

First off this passage to Hogsmeade is written in the third book and I thought that maybe Filch wouldn't know about this passage, yet.

I'm guessing you know who Violet Brown is…

Please Review and tell me what you think!


	4. Chapter Four

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and places created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

AN: I try to update on this story once a day, but on weekdays it is hard… Please Review and tell me what you think! I've decided that Remus' thoughts might be needed so whenever you see this: ' or ' you know that shows he it thinking it and not saying it.

Never Meant To Hurt You

Chapter Four

Remus always got Lily a gift for her birthday. It was a little tradition he had. He usually bought a book for her, one she has been dying to read, but this year he wanted something different. He wanted to go and get one for her three weeks ago, but he was busy helping Peter study. Today he could buy her something; the problem was he didn't know what to buy her.

'Lily always liked Quidditch Perhaps I could get her something that has to do with Quidditch!' Remus thought to himself as he entered Quality Quidditch Supplies 2 ½. There were about a thousand different things in the store; books on Quidditch, brooms dating back to the sixteenth century, different safety equipment, and broom care supplies.

'This was probably were all the famous quidditch flyers shopped. Well, probably not.' He thought to himself. Remus decided to look at the different brooms. He stopped looking at all the brooms when he came across the newest one. It was a timing broom. You could time it to see how long a game is, how long it takes you to score, catch the snitch and it told you your speed. 'This is awesome. Lily would love this.' Remus went up to the clerk and asked him how much the broom was. As always the new broom was pricey, but that didn't stop Remus. Remus had been saving up his money for a new locater that could tell him where the stars were and when certain ones would rise, but he could always save up again; Lily's birthday only comes once a year.

He bought it for her and the book that they recommend you buy with it. He was having it ordered to Lily, so it would arrive there on her birthday. He left the store rather pleased, but worried Lily wouldn't like it. He knew that was a lie; no matter if she liked a gift she got or not, Lily always found a way to use her gifts. That's what made Lily so special, she hated nothing, and always found something to do with the gifts that were giving to her by people she cared about.

Remus walked back to The Three Broomsticks happily. He wished he could go back and study, but he told his friends he would be back. By now, Sirius and James would have had Peter so loaded with beer it would be unbelievable.

When he entered he saw what he thought he would see: animals. Leave it up to James and Sirius…

He sat down next to a clapping Peter and put his head in hands and watched Sirius and James dance around their table. Soon, the two decided to sit down and drink some more; the even convinced Remus too, but only one or two. James was dancing near Lily's table to get her detention, and it worked.

"Evans, do you want to dance?" James asked leaning over her table. Lily stood up and said, "Why you ain't got no rhythm." She smiled after she said this and James took her hand, "I don't have rhythm, yes, but that can all change if we dance,"

They started dancing to the slow songs and when the fast ones came on they would sit down. Lily decided to sit down at the boys' table and talked to Peter. Peter stuttered, he always did when he talked to a girl, even when he didn't think that girl was cute. Peter knew Lily was being polite, as always, talking to him and things, but he hated talking to girls especially the beautiful ones like Lily even though he wasn't crazy about her.

When the next slow song came on Lily and James danced again. Remus watched her having a great time, and smiling, wishing he was dancing with her instead. Lily only danced to slow songs, which showed how gentle she was. Lily smiled the whole time the two of them were dancing and this made Remus feel much better, at least she was having a great time.

After the last slow song, James managed to get Lily to drink a bit, but after four, Remus took the drink away from her and stayed close by to make sure James wasn't going to give her another one. She was very clumsy and fell on the floor, at this point Remus told the guys that he was bringing her back to Hogwarts. Some guys complained, but Remus still brought her back; he didn't want her to get hurt.

By the time they were going up the stairs to the entrance hall at Hogwarts, Lily was leaning on Remus and he didn't stop her. He brought her back to thee Gryffindor Common Room and brought her to the stairs. He would have went all the way up, but boys were not aloud in the girls' dormitory, so he kissed her on the forehead and watched her walk up the steps. He didn't here a thud, so that was a good sign; it meant she fell on her bed and not the floor.

He sat on the cough replaying the night in his head and decided it was time to write in his journal. He had to; he wrote about every night he saw Lily.

October 1, 1978 

_Tonight wasn't bad, except for the killing pain at the back of my head, but Lily made it better when she smiled. She made it all worth it when she laughed. She made it all seem amazing when looked like a floating angel, dancing. She always did._

_I got her a present this evening, though, I'm not sure she'll be happy with it. It was a lot of money, but I'd buy Hogwarts if it made Lily happy. She danced tonight. Not with me, but with James. He always finds away to get what he wants. If I weren't so careful and strict I'd probably be that way too. I am happy for James; well, I am trying to be happy. It's hard when you love someone who doesn't love you, but that same person loves your best friend. Lily doesn't love him, but she could one day. And that would be the day I die…_

_It's funny how someone so close to you could take your heart and soul and not even know it. It's amazing how Lily does things with her beauty not even knowing it, but it hurts. It hurts when I know she has my heart and soul, but she doesn't want mine, she wants someone else's… Anyone's but the one she has…_

_I feel that one day she'll rid me completely. That one day she'll drop my heart and sould as quickly as they fell into her hands. I worry that that day will be soon and I hope that who ever she decides to be the keeper of her heart treats her like she should be; like the angel she is…_

_-Remus_

AN2: Please Review and tell me what you think!

What day is Lily's birthday?

Or rather, what day is it in this story?


	5. Chapter Five

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and places created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

AN: I try to update on this story once a day, but on weekdays it is hard… Please Review and tell me what you think! I working on making it not skip around too much and this chapter I don't think does. I pretty much stay with the characters… Thank you everyone for the advice!

Never Meant To Hurt You

Chapter Five

"Remus! What took you so long?" James asked waving his hand, beckoning for Remus to go and sit. James looked strange today, well, to Remus anyway. He brushed his hair, for one and now it wasn't so untidy. His tie was tied the way it should be and wasn't loose, but it appeared to be chocking him.

Remus walked down the Gryffindor table and sat next to James who seemed to have changed over night. 'The beers must have done it,' Remus thought, at least that was what he thought until Sirius nudged him and said, "Do you think Evans will like 'the new Prongs'?" Remus starred at Sirius and asked, "That's who this 'new' thing is for?" Sirius nodded. "Who else could have made James look like he does?"

'Of course,' Remus thought, 'It was for Lily,' Remus starred at James with disbelief. He knew he would have to answer Sirius' question, but he didn't want to. The truth was James did look nice and Lily would like that, but Lily would like the fact that James did it for her even more. Remus had to tell James he looked great. He couldn't be jealous or rude; he wasn't like that so he said, "James you look great, and I'm sure Lily will love it,"

"Stop it, Moony, you're making me blush," James said in a girlish voice, making Sirius and Peter laugh. James stopped the girlish voice immediately and was starring at someone. Peter, Sirius and Remus all turned in the direction that James was starring. There she was, Lily, the one that tortured Remus each and every time she cried, each and every time she would be upset. "Hello, guys," she said, as she sat down opposite of James. "Hello," they all said dully. "My James, you look good," She said, looking over to him. James smiled and Lily smiled back.

It was like they clicked. After one smiled the other one did too and the fact killed Remus. "So, Evans, I mean Lily, you know the dance is coming up and I want you to be my date," James said in his most charming date. "Oh, I know Mr. Potter, but the only way I'll go is it you call me by my first name from now until the dance," Lily said, leaning over the table. Remus and Sirius knew she was teasing James, and found it amusing when took a long pause. "Deal," James said.

Lily smiled, stood up from the table and left. James starred at her as she walked out of the great hall and when she did, he started jumping up down a moving his hands the way he would when he was playing Quidditch. "No one can resists me," he said, pointing his thumbs at himself. "You messed up your hair," Sirius told James. "Well, Evans isn't here any more She is the only reason my hair looked bad in the first place," James said.

"Bad, Evans thought it looked good, and you are not aloud to call her by that name; she said her first name other wise you don't take her to the dance," Sirius said, laughing afterwards. "Believe me it was bad, and she isn't here to know what name I use. I just have to be careful in front of her," James told them. "James I think your missing the point-" Remus began to say, but James' hands flew up in protest. "Nonsense! Prongs always knows about how everything goes!" He said, crossing his arms.

"Sure," the three said. James opened his eyes and saw that the other three marauders were walking out of the great hall. He took a piece of toast and ran out after them. "What do you mean?" He yelled once he was out of the great hall. Peter, James and Sirius laughed. "Lets play some Quidditch." Sirius suggested. They all agreed. "I hope you guys know this isn't over!" James said, "Even though it's not over who could pass an opportunity to beat to friends at Quidditch?"

"Ok, James, Remus and I versus you and Peter," Sirius said. James crossed his arms, "Why?" he asked. "So we can even the skill a bit," Sirius said, knowing James would go through with it if he were complimented. James and Sirius were both playing seeker while Remus was keeper, and Peter chaser. It was complicated, only having four people, but it worked for them.

The game ended when James caught the snitch the third time. "I got one goal!" Peter chirped. "Sure, if you count flying into the hoop with the ball," Remus said, raising his eyebrows. "Whatever you two! I had a good time except for the few times James knocked me off the broom," Sirius said. "The only time I will ever not knock someone off their broom is when I'm dead," James said.

"I'm hungry," Peter told them. "Why don't we go to the kitchen?" James asked.

"Ok," two of them said. "You know what, I'm not hungry, but I am tired. I think I'm going to just go to the common room. See you guys later," Remus said. He waved to them and walked towards the Gryffindor Tower.

Remus reached the Common room and took out his journal. If he wrote quickly he would be able to rest. He wondered how he would write. He thought about the day and remembered how he felt when Lily smiled, when she sat down and when she left.

He wrote:

i 

October 2, 1978

She was there. Like she is everyday; at the Gryffindor table. Only problem was, it didn't seem like she was really there. It was like she was somewhere else, somewhere I couldn't find.

She smiled at him and he smiled back. He asked her to the dance, the same one I wanted to ask her to, but she sees me as a friend and only a friend. What I wouldn't give to be in James' position. When she agreed to go to the dance with him I felt jealousy in my heart. The kind of jealousy I never felt before,

I want to be happy for him, but it's hard when I love her and have to see her with another man. There it is, those same words, maybe one day I'll be able to tell her those words of torture…

I love her

I love her

I love her

Maybe I won't be able to tell her…

I love her

-Remus /i 

A/N2: Please Review! I need to know what you think!


	6. Chapter Six

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and places created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

AN: Here a new chapter! Please tell me what you think! Please Review! Thankyou future goddess for the review. I do know I made James a jerk. I don't think he was like _that _and I'm going to go back and try to fix it. I had another review on another site saying the same thing.

I had some free time so I'm putting this up, now.

Never Meant To Hurt You

Chapter Six

The ball was on the day of Lily's birthday. Remus was still worrying that the gift may suck. How would he know unless he saw the look on her face when she got it? Remus tried to think of the way Lily would look when she opened his gift. He knew immediately that it wouldn't change. He got her a gift every year and the same expression came; she smiled at him and he knew she loved it.

The traditional thing would happen; Lily would hug him, he would asked her if it was what she wanted, she would say yes and she would use the gift immediately. She always had a way of making people feel like they did something really good for her or got something really good, even if she hated it. It was part of her. Lily was strange in that way she hated some things that people got her, but it was the thought that counted for her and not many people thought as she did.

Remus' mom sent him his dress robes for the dance or ball, whatever you want to call it. His robes were the color of red with gold stitches on the sides and a smooth texture. He looked amazing in it. He looked immediately in the mirror of the prefects' bathroom. He looked very formal and very handsome, which made Remus feel a bit better about the dance.

He would wait till after the dance to give Lily her card. His gift to her would arrive earlier, but he would give her the card and that's when he would tell her. He decided on that yesterday, when he was lying awake on his bed imagining how beautiful she would look in her dress. That's when he would tell her the truth… He loved her… And he always had…

Remus decided to look at himself one more time in the mirror with his robes on. He knew he was being silly and that if anyone saw him they would think that he was acting like a schoolgirl before a date. He was twisting and turning like a girl would well most would, this was when he stopped. He looked around, seeing if anyone was watching him. No one was, he was ok, but that didn't stop him from taking the dress robes off. He hung the red robes on hangers; magical hangers, the kind of hangers that wouldn't ruin the robes.

He was bored. He didn't know what to do. Normally, he would go and hang out with the other marauders, but James and Sirius were in detention for being disturbers of the peace in the kitchen. Peter wasn't there, but he wasn't around. He was talking to his other friend, Frank Longbottom. They weren't best friends, but they were close. Peter and Frank had met when they were in detention. Peter had done the potion wrong for the fourth time and Frank had made rude comments about the professor, who no longer was a professor at Hogwarts. It was in their first year and Frank agreed to help Peter with potion, since Frank was pretty good at it, not the best, but better than Peter. They had become friends from there and both had a crush on a certain girl named Alice, though neither of them ever admitted it.

Remus decided to go out to the quidditch field and play with a few other kids from Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Remus didn't play on the house team, not because he was no good, he was, but he had never 'loved' quidditch like others who played on the team did. He never developed a thing for quidditch like every other boy had growing up, instead he had developed reading and writing. It was nothing he was ever upset about, he loved those things and he loved loving those things.

Sometimes reading and writing so much made him compare himself to Serverus Snape, an intelligent student of Slytherin who buried his nose in books when ever he was awake. Although, he wasn't obsessed with books, they did take up most of his time, and he was happy they did.

He was walking up to the quidditch field when he saw her on a bench, just watching the kids on brooms. He walked up to her, with him clutching his broom in his hand. "Lily, its quidditch, why aren't you playing on the field with them?" Remus asked, standing a few feet away from her. Her hair was blowing slightly as they breezes of October swayed around the castle. Lily looked up at him. 'She must have been out her a long time,' he thought, 'her face has red spreading all over it and that meant she was cold. Of course it made sense she had no jacket or anything that would keep her warm.' Lily smiled at him and then asked, "Remember the last practice the Gryffindor team had?" Remus nodded, he wasn't there, but he knew when they were. Lily continued, "Well, I crashed into a player and my broom went flying and hit the Whomping Willow." Remus didn't need to here more, he knew how violent that tree was; he goes there every month. He sat down next to her on the bench. "I'm sorry," he said. He was just inches apart from her, and he could smell her conditioner she used as her hair was blowing in his face. It was a beautiful smell and all Remus wanted to do was stay there and smell her hair, but he worried someone would notice. "Its alright, they look like there doing better without me anyway. Its better if I don't play," Lily said, moving her eyes towards the players in the air. Remus noticed her look of longing; she wanted to play quidditch.

Remus understood it; he loved books and could barely go a day with out them and this was probably how it was for Lily and quidditch, although Lily did love books. "But you want to play, don't you?" Remus asked her. Lily turned her head to the left where he was sitting and nodded. Remus handed her his broom. "Then play," He told her.

Lily smiled and Remus' heart jumped. There it was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. "Are you sure?" Lily asked him. He nodded and Lily practically jumped on him when hugging him. "On one condition, though," he said. Lily looked at him, wondering what that 'one condition might be. "You have to wear the coat," he said taking his coat off and giving it to her to keep her warm. "What about you?" she asked as Remus was helping her in it. "Me? I'm fine as long as I see you play quidditch," He told her. Lily gave him another hug and stood up. "I'll give it to you when I'm done. Thank you so much, Remus," Lily said and Remus smiled as Lily ran off over to play with the others. He wrapped his hands around himself and said, so no one would hear, "anything for you."

He sat on the bench watching Lily shoot goals every thirty seconds. The air around him was freezing and he knew he would have frostbites, but he wanted to watch her play, and see how happy she was when she scored. Lily was looking down from the air and saw Remus watching her. She smiled and waved at him and he waved back. After he waved she went back to killing some of the players on the opposite team. Remus watched her and the more he did the more he saw how much she resembled an angel.

He had never seen one, but he had heard about them in stories his mom told him as a kid. Remus' dad dies just after Remus was born and Remus spent most of his time wishing he had one, but grateful he had his mother. His mother was something like an angel, too, to Remus. She had advice and stories that helped Remus deal with real life. She made sure Remus grew up liking other things than most boys did when they were your. She let him play sports, sure, but she always made him do things around the house that most young girls did with their mom. She told stories to Remus all the time and from the first moment she carried Remus in her arms an amazing bond grew; one that was not meant for breaking, nor would it ever.

It appeared to Remus that Lily was on a cloud, a beautiful bed from heaven, and was hovering over the ground, protecting anyone who needed the protection and healing anyone who needed healing. She looked like she was saving the world from the 'bad guys' that were what people called, Pain, Suffering and worst of all; Dying. But not the dying like the people who die from natural causes in hospitals, but the living things that have to live with the loss of someone, who had to keep going, who had to live when someone they loved left… Lily would protect everyone of that in anyway she could. She would sacrifice herself if it made those things happen, if it made one of those things happen.

Suddenly, Remus felt as though he was suffering, but not physically or mentally, but emotionally. He felt as though a part of him was becoming distant… And he knew immediately what that part was; his heart. Everyday his heart would drift out further and further away from himself, as would Lily…

AN2: I tried to stay with the describing a bit more… Please tell me how I'm doing… I had to put more of Remus' feelings in here… Please Review!


	7. Chapter Seven

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and places created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

AN: I try and update this when I can!

Never Meant To Hurt You

Chapter Seven

On the night of the dance everyone was dressed up and had a date. The Gryffindors were telling each other who they were going with, the Slytherins talking about who had the best nights in bed, the Ravenclaws simply chatting over new rumors and the Hufflepuffs doing what they should be doing; hanging out with their dates.

It had been quite a rough morning since no one had classes and everyone was spending their time getting ready, even though they had hours before the thing started. They all got dressed in their robes made especially for this night, and simply looked at themselves in the mirror; some complimenting themselves, others wishing they had gotten different robes. Everything was hectic and it was a pain in the neck.

Remus looked around his room for a certain card. He knew where it was, but since this night was so important, he had forgotten. He was nervous, tonight he would tell Lily, no matter what the outcome. This must have been the strangest thing in the school; no one was worrying about other people, at least most weren't. He was about the only one who was that worried and the only one without a date. Remus had intended to ask a girl, but couldn't. He knew that even though he could ask a girl, he shouldn't; all he would do is watch Lily, and that's not fair to the girl.

Of course, when has anything ever been fair? When has anything ever been the way we want it? NEVER! Because the only perfect things are in books and movies, there is no perfect girl or guy! But there was, in Remus' mind anyway. Her name was Lilly Evans, a perfect girl, no, woman. She was perfect in everyway. Every look, every smile, every thing from her head to her toes were perfect, but most importantly her heart. Her heart was the most beautiful thing of all. Her heart was Lily. Remus never only cared fo rher for her looks. He had been best friends with her since eleven and even then her heart was more important than her looks. The only reason Remus had even sat near her was because she didn't yell and the moment she smiled he knew she couldn't be mean, evil, or anything in the world that wasn't beautiful.

Remus read his card over and over and over again, as if wanting to make sure he wasn't missing anything. He would be there when she opened it, she would be there when she knew her answer. He would be there with her the rest of his life, they would have kids and grow old, or he would be a visitor who watched as her and James had kids and grew old. Naturally, he wanted the first one to happen, but he wanted Lily to be happy, so he wouldn't for her to do anything she didn't want to. He wouldn't tell her he needed to know, he wouldn't tell her that he would give him what he could, he wouldn't tell what James is like. He didn't want her to not love him for him. He wanted her answer to be from her heart, uncorrupted. Yet, somehow whatever happened it would be.

Remus had nothing against James, nor would he ever, even if Lily didn't love him. James had been Remus' friend and no amount of anything would ever change that, could ever change that. James seemed to be changing, anyway. He seemed nicer, not just to Lily, but everyone, and Remus knew he was doing it for Lily. Remus knew, or thought that there was a chance James was seeing Lily's beauty. There was a chance James was falling in love.

Remus couldn't stop that. In fact, Remus liked that. He liked the fact that if Lily picked James, she would be loved. The only thing that bothered him was know that her choice may not be the one he wanted for seven years. It may not be the one that would make his heart jump in excitement. No, it might be the one that would break his heart. The heart he asked Lily to hold on to, even though she never heard the words. Her choice might be the one that makes sure Lily Evans would never become, one day, Lily Lupin…

After Remus was sure that the letter had everything in it that was needed he put it in the back pocket of his dress robes, where his wand would be located if it were his school robes. He sat in his bed for a while, rocking himself back and forth, just imagining what Lily would look like tonight. If he was lucky, James might let him have a dance with her, that is, if she wanted to, and Remus begged her to want to.

In his mind she was never as beautiful as when he saw her. She was never the same. It seemed that she was a ghost somehow, almost non-existent. Her hair never fell the same way, her eyes never shined as bright as the stars, her smiled was never breath taking. No, instead, she was a dream, a forbidden fruit that no one was able to touch or see. She was something that killed Remus, something that made Remus think, 'If only, if only,'

But this dream, the forbidden fruit that when he looked at, it made him ache, was all he had. In these images of Lily that Remus could see in his head, Lily was a flower, a angel, a truth, a hope, a everything. But then Remus realized something. That was what Lily and the dream Lily had in common. No matter how different their eyes shine, or there hair swayed, they were both flowers, both angels, both truths, both hopes, and both everything. No matter how real they seemed…

Remus stopped thinking of what she was in his mind and turned his eyes to his dresser where a picture that meant so much to Lily and Remus. It was them when they were eleven and both innocent, both just friends. They were on the quidditch field and Remus was showing her how to mount the broom. This was different than most pictures at Hogwarts; it didn't move, the same picture was there no matter how long you looked at it.

Remus couldn't stop thinking about that day; in fact he tried his best to replay it in his head. And it worked…

i 

There they stood, Lily on the broom and Remus watching her. The air was warm that day; it was early September, only about a week since her and Remus both met.

"Like this?" A much smaller Lily asked with innocent eyes looking at Remus. Remus smiled at her and she smiled back. Remus circled her and then just moved her right hand up about half an inch on the broom.

"There. Its perfect." Remus said, smiling from ear to ear at her. Around them they could hear quid ditch being played and people talking, but for a second both of them seemed o not notice anyone else's existence. For a moment their eyes locked as they smiled back at one another.

/i 

So much had happened since then, so many things. Just seeing that made Remus looked closely at other things the two did through the years they were together…

i 

Again, walking towards the library, after Remus made an older boy from Slytherin start dancing because he was teasing Lily…

"You shouldn't have done that," Lily told Remus as they walked down the hall. "Come on, Lily! He was picking on you! He deserved what he got," Remus assured her. Lily giggled. "Maybe, but don't you think the tapping feet where a bit much?" she asked.

Remus put a friendly arm around her and said, "Actually, I think it was right on target,"

/i 

Right after another more memories shot at Remus… The ones of him and Lily…

i 

There they were again in transfiguration class…

"I forgot my book back in the common room!" Remus exclaimed, putting his right hand on his head. "And I don't have that much time to get it!" Remus put his head on the table. Lily put her book on his head. "Don't you think you're being to over dramatic?" She asked him, watching as he slowly lifted his head from the table. He looked at her and realized she was gonna let him use her book. He shrugged, "No,"

Lily smiled at him, "Yes." She knew he was being cute and was doing a fantastic job at it.

Remus picked up the book she had given him moments before. "What about you?" he asked her. She smiled at him and said, "I have one. That's the one you let me borrow when I forgot mine," Lily put her hand on his. Remus smiled at her and said, "How nice of you to return it to me," /i 

Yet, another memory…

i 

And again in the common room…

"I can't get the bottle of paint to open up," Lily said, struggling with a bucket of paint. Remus, sitting on the couch of the Gryffindor common room stared at her, wondering when she would crack and ask for his help, but she never asked. She struggled for about what may have been twenty minutes with Remus just starring at her before Remus walked over to her, took the bucket of paint from her hands and set it down on the table. He took out his wand and whispered a spell. The lid popped off, but the paint exploded and paint went everywhere, even on Remus, but not on Lily; she had been hiding behind Remus.

Remus starred at her in disbelief, though red pain was on his eyes and he had a hard time opening them, he was able to see her better than ever. Lily burst into giggles, staring at him, covered in paint. "Did you know that would happen?" Remus asked her, wiping his eyes from the red paint. Lily was still giggling, but managed to say, "No," even though no one was fooled by that answer. Remus stuck his hand into the bucket of paint that still had some red paint in it and made sure his hand was covered in it. Then, he walked over to Lily and pinned her to the wall behind her, drawing a heart on each cheek. /i 

Yes… Remus had many memories each as good as the next…

Remus was lying down on the bed now, starring at the ceiling. He knew that the dance was drawling near, and with that so was Lily's answer. Remus lay on his bed, just thinking about her. The woman that could be his wife one day, the same woman that could break his heart that all those years ago, he begged for her to hold safe…

AN2: Please Review! I want to know your opinions! (Sorry for taking soooo long. This story is still on hold. I have it on another site which is how I am updating it now, though it isn't complete. Again I am very sorry!


	8. Chapter Eight

Never Meant To Hurt You

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and places created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N: I know it been a while since I updated. I was with another part of my family for the holidays. I saw about a million people I didn't even know existed. Anyway, I'm back. Here is Chapter Eight. I know most of the readers want to see what happens to Lily and Remus, but you will find out soon enough. Lily comes in the next chapter!

Never Meant To Hurt You

Chapter Eight

Remus walked down through the halls. He was close to the Great Hall; close enough to hear it was more of a zoo than a ball, party or dance. He froze when he got to the steps leading to the Great Hall. He starred at the door for what seemed to be an eternity and waited. He wasn't sure what he was starring at or what he was waiting for, but he knew he was meant to just stay there for a moment.

While he waited for whatever had to happen his thoughts for Lily had taken over him again. It could go either way. She could confess that she loves him too and they live happily ever after, or, she could tell him they're just friends, always have been, always will be. Remus was starring at the door, though he didn't realize it until he felt a pain in his back. When he looked back to see what kind of weight was on him, he found Sirius. Sirius jumped off. "What's up?" he asked, smiling so broadly no one would be able to tell he even had cheeks. "Nothing. What are you guys doing?" Remus said, turning to James and Peter who turned up seconds after Sirius.

"We happen to be here to see me dance with the most beautiful girl in the world," James said, putting an elbow on Peter's shoulder and spraying breath mint in his mouth. He smiled when he did, but the smile disappeared when he started chocking on the flavor. Peter, Remus and Sirius were starring at James, thinking he was crazy. He just, out of nowhere, grabbed his throat and started coughing. James finally stopped coughing and put his elbow on Peter's shoulder and smiled at the three of them as if nothing happened.

"Anyway, I don't know what young Mr. Prongs over here is talking about, but I happen to have a date with Violet, who happens to hate violets," Sirius said, straightening his bowtie. "Oh, my," Sirius said, taking a step back from Remus. "What is this?" he said pointing to Remus' robes. Remus looked at where Sirius was pointing to and realized he was talking about his robes. "Oh, my robes. I thought they looked nice on me and showed my Gryffindor spirit." Remus said proudly.

"Well, you realize James and I love Gryffindor House as much as you do, but you don't see us flying around in red or gold robes, do you?" Sirius asked him. James laughed. "Don't worry Moony, I think you look hot in those robes and I'm sure any man would love to have you as his date," James smiled and started blinking fast so that his eyelashes would do the same thing little girls do to boys when they think they are in love.

"Shut up," Remus said. "I don't see you picking on Peter, and he is wearing pink!" he said, defending himself. Sirius and James laughed. "Don't worry, we got him good in the hallway out side of the Gryffindor Common Room. Wonder why he hasn't said a word?" James asked. Peter opened his mouth and Remus saw pink, well red really, just red. Remus realized Peter had no teeth.

Remus tried hard not to laugh, but it was hard and all three of them knew he was laughing. "Sorry," Remus said, still laughing and putting his hand up. Peter smiled, but he kept his mouth shut. "iszth oakay," Peter said.

"What?" Remus asked.

"Oh, he said it was ok," James said simply.

Remus looked strangely at the three of them.

"You catch on after a while," Sirius said, walking to the door and patting Remus on the back.

"Well, what do you say we find my date?" James asked Remus, putting his arm on his shoulder. James was smiling more broadly than ever. It was strange for Remus to see James so happy. Yes, James was always happy, but today it seemed as though James had become a different happy; the kind of happy you get when you know something special will happen.

James seemed to know this, but he made no move to change his smile into any other expression. Remus ended up getting tired at staring at James as they walked into the Great Hall; people would thing he had a staring problem anyway. Remus moved his eyes off of James and moved them to the wonderful sight of the Great Hall. There were small tables against the walls for people to sit, and the center of the room was filled by people dancing with each other and the walls were decorated by the colors of all the houses. Each banner for each house was place around the room; one banner for one wall in the room. The main table, where the professors sit, wasn't currently there, instead the place was taken by a small band. By the look at the band, Remus could tell it was probably a Jazz band. All of the band members were dressed in purple robes and odd shaped brown hats.

"You know what band this is?" James asked Remus, as they took a seat at the table that had more light hitting it than any other. "You and the other prefects planned it, right?" he asked. Remus nodded. "Yep, we all planned it, but Lily was the one in charge of the music,"

"Say, Lily's head girl and she was aloud to do that stuff why wasn't I? As a matter of fact why am I not aloud still?" James asked, taking his arms and crossing them across his chest. Remus chuckled, "Well, remember the whole 'Slytherins should serve the other houses at the dance' remark you made when we first started planning this?" James nodded. "Ye, well a few prefects and a Head Girl thought that was a bit inappropriate,"  
Remus said, looking at James for the first three words and then moving his eyes to the ground. "Uh-huh," James said, narrowing his eyes at Remus.

"Hey guys!" Sirius exclaimed from behind them. "This band is so cool! They gave me a saxodrone!" James shook his head. "You don't play saxodrones," he said to Sirius. Remus moved his eyes from James to Sirius and then back again. "Are you two sure you don't mean saxophone?" Remus asked them.

"No, sax-o-drone," Sirius said in syllables making Remus feel extremely ill. 'Probably what they call saxophones in the wizarding world.' Remus said to himself. Remus never read about wizard music, and the only time he heard it was at wizard restaurants and dances, like this one, though he never heard Jazz.

Remus sat down at his seat on the table and ate some chips that were in bowls on the table. He has stopped debating with himself if a saxophone was a saxodrone. When he was stuffing some more chips in his mouth, since he was starving because he had forgotten to eat, he saw her. In her beautiful dress, though it would have been a mistake to say her robes were more beautiful then her…

A/N2: Please Review and tell me what you think. I don't mind anything negative just don't go over board, please!


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